Its Christmas again. (: Happy Birthday Jesus Christ!

During Christmas, everyone exchanges gifts and greetings for each other, but who actually gave presents to the actual birthday boy?  

Did my last minute Christmas shopping yesterday alone.The bus was so cold, that I was blinded from the outside world due to the mists that was densely created on every window of the bus. The bus was crowded, but they seemed so quiet. I kept repeating the same song over and over again, and I pondered. 

What is happiness? Nobody could ever end the search of their own happiness, be it happiness for a materialistic good, happiness for having many friends, happiness to be in a relationship with your crush, or happiness mentally. Because, every happiness is temporal. 

Today's session at bro's church moved me,and it was as though the pastor could read my mind. I never expected myself to be so emotionally affected by everything he said. I am really glad to have many listening ear, but who exactly understands how I am actually feeling inside me? And then I realise, it was the reason why I wasn't able to truthfully pour out everything to even the most trustful listening ear I had. I am happy to have my dearies with me all this while, but do I actually felt the sense of loneliness deep inside me? Do all my dearies really understand me, or am I just assuming that they are? I accepted Christ since long time ago, but am I really opening my door to welcome him, or am I leaving him outside waiting, for the fear that I would be hurt again? Then I knew I have to find an answer to every question, so I would be able to find my happiness temporary, for every happiness is temporal. But will I ever succeed? That's another question.